FOR NO REASON

What to Do When You Feel Lonely: 30 Ideas for Tonight and a Lonely Sunday

By The Chief · · 6 min read · sources checked

Hands cupping a lit candle in a glass jar, face not shown
Photo: Daiga Ellaby, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons

It is Sunday afternoon, or late on a weeknight. The messages have stopped. The house is very quiet. And the loneliness, which you managed to keep at arm's length all week, sits down next to you.

This page is for that moment. Not a lecture. Just thirty things you can actually do, some for right now and some to make next week softer.

If you feel hopeless or think about harming yourself, please reach out now: call your local emergency number, or in the US and Canada call or text 988, in the UK and Ireland call Samaritans on 116 123, in Australia call Lifeline on 13 11 14. Elsewhere: findahelpline.com. More on our crisis help page.

First, a gentle truth

Loneliness lies a little. It tells you that everyone else is with someone, that nobody wants to hear from you, and that it will always feel like this. Research suggests loneliness makes us more alert to rejection than we would otherwise be (Cacioppo & Hawkley, 2009). And in conversations, people consistently underestimate how much others like them, a pattern researchers call the liking gap (Boothby et al., 2018).

So when the voice says "don't bother them", you are allowed to doubt it.

10 things to do right now

  1. Send one message with a real question. Not "hey". Try: "I was thinking about you. What's been the best part of your week?"
  2. Call instead of texting. A voice carries more warmth than words on a screen.
  3. Go where people are, even without talking: a café, a library, a park, a place of worship, a gym.
  4. Say a few words to someone you pass. A cashier, a neighbour, a dog owner. Brief chats with "weak ties" are linked with better mood (Sandstrom & Dunn, 2014).
  5. Join something live online: a class, a reading group, a game with voice chat, a community stream where people talk.
  6. Write to someone from your past who mattered: a teacher, an old friend, a former colleague.
  7. Comfort your body: a warm shower, a hot drink, a blanket, a proper meal.
  8. Step outside for 15 minutes. Daylight and movement shift the weight a little.
  9. Do something kind for someone. Kindness connects us even when we act alone. Our kindness generator gives you one idea in a tap.
  10. Write it down: "I feel lonely because..." Naming a feeling often takes some of its sting away.

10 things for a lonely Sunday

  1. Give the day one fixed point. A noon walk, a 3pm call, a 5pm cooking project. Structure is a friend.
  2. Start a Sunday ritual that is yours: the same café, the same long walk, the same pancake recipe.
  3. Volunteer. Many food banks, animal shelters and community kitchens need Sunday hands.
  4. Go to a public event: a market, a free museum day, a park run, a service, a talk.
  5. Cook too much and share it with a neighbour.
  6. Call an older relative. Sundays are often lonely for them too.
  7. Take a class you can repeat each week: pottery, climbing, dance, a language.
  8. Plan next week's social moment while you have time: book it now.
  9. Have a screen-light afternoon: a book, a puzzle, a jigsaw, music. Scrolling often makes Sundays lonelier.
  10. Go to bed on time. Monday feels better rested.

If Sundays are long and the chairs around you are empty, there is a tribe that wants to fill them: request to join.

10 things that make next week less lonely

  1. Say yes to the next invitation, even a small one.
  2. Be the inviter. Most people are waiting for someone else to suggest a plan.
  3. Join one weekly thing so you see the same faces. Friendship grows from repeated time together: one study estimated it takes around 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, and around 200 hours to become close friends (Hall, 2019).
  4. Talk to someone on your commute or in a queue. Commuters who were asked to chat with a stranger reported a more pleasant journey than those who kept to themselves, even though they predicted the opposite (Epley & Schroeder, 2014).
  5. Limit social media if it leaves you feeling left out. Less scrolling was linked with less loneliness in one experiment (Hunt et al., 2018).
  6. Look after your "loneliness thoughts". Notice when your mind predicts rejection, and test the prediction anyway. In a review, interventions that worked on these thoughts helped most (Masi et al., 2011).
  7. Get a regular "hello" in your week: the same gym class, coffee shop or bus.
  8. Help someone regularly: tutoring, mentoring, visiting someone housebound.
  9. Learn to enjoy your own company in parallel. See how to be happy alone.
  10. Find a tribe. A group with a shared purpose turns strangers into people who notice when you are missing.

When loneliness has lasted a long time

If loneliness has been with you for months, read 12 signs you're lonely and how to deal with loneliness. If you are a man, you may find the male loneliness epidemic and our guide to men's mental health helpful. And if low mood is with you most days, please speak to a doctor. Loneliness is common and it is treatable, but it is not something you have to carry by yourself.

A task for tonight

Pick one idea from the first list and one from the last list. Do the first one now. Put the second one in your calendar. Then do something warm for yourself and go to bed. Tomorrow is a different room.

For a daily task, a tribe that notices you and a Chief who reads every request: request to join.

Walking beside you,

The Chief

Sources

Related reading: 12 signs you're lonely · How to make friends as an adult · How to find a sense of belonging

Questions

What should I do when I feel lonely at night?

Do one small thing to connect (send a message with a real question, call someone, join a live online group), then one thing to comfort your body (a warm drink, a shower, a short walk), and put the phone down an hour before sleep. Loneliness often feels heavier late at night than it is.

Why are Sundays so lonely?

Sundays often have no structure: no work, no classes, fewer messages, and other people are busy with family. The quiet can make loneliness louder. Planning one small fixed thing for every Sunday, like a walk, a class or a call, makes a big difference.

Is it OK to talk to strangers when I feel lonely?

Yes, in safe public places. Studies found that people who chatted with a stranger on their commute had a more pleasant journey than they predicted, and that short chats with acquaintances are linked with a better mood.

What if I have no one to call?

Start with people you see in passing (a neighbour, a shop worker), a live community activity, or a free listening line. Many countries have free emotional support lines, and you do not need to be in crisis to call. Findahelpline.com lists them by country.

General information for wellbeing, not medical, psychological or financial advice. If you are struggling, see crisis help.