Lonely at Christmas: A Gentle Plan for the Hardest Weeks of the Year

By The Chief · 2026-11-03 · 7 min read · sources checked

If you are in crisis this season: please call your local emergency number. In the US and Canada, call or text 988 (open 24 hours, every day). In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans answer 116 123 day and night, including Christmas Day. In Australia, call Lifeline on 13 11 14. Elsewhere: findahelpline.com or our crisis help page.

The lights go up. The adverts start. Everyone seems to be heading home to a full table. And if you are alone, or grieving, or far from family, or dreading a family that hurts, the season can feel like a party you were not invited to.

Being lonely at Christmas is far more common than the adverts suggest. This is a gentle plan for getting through it, and maybe even finding something good in it.

Why loneliness gets louder at Christmas

• The expectation. The season is sold as togetherness. If your reality does not match, the gap hurts more.
• The highlight reel. Every feed is full of gatherings, matching pyjamas and laughing tables.
• Grief. Empty chairs feel emptier at Christmas.
• Distance. Many people cannot afford, or are not able, to travel home.
• Difficult families. Some people are not alone, but feel lonely among people who do not see them.
• Everything closes. Routines, workplaces and cafés stop, and the days lose their shape.

Loneliness is a signal, like hunger, that we need connection (Cacioppo & Hawkley, 2009). At Christmas, the signal is amplified. That is not weakness. It is being human in a season that turns the volume up.

Plan it before it arrives

The hardest Christmas is the one you meet unprepared. Take twenty minutes in early December to plan.

1. Decide where you will be each day from 23 December to 2 January.
2. Book one or two contacts in advance: a call with a friend, a volunteering shift, a walk with a neighbour.
3. Stock the house with food you enjoy, so you do not depend on open shops.
4. Choose your comfort list: a film, a book, a playlist, a recipe, a long bath.
5. Write down two helpline numbers and keep them by the phone.

A gentle plan for Christmas Day alone

• Morning: wake at your usual time. Get daylight: a walk, even a short one. Many people are out on Christmas morning, and a nod or a "Merry Christmas" to a stranger counts.
• Late morning: one call or video call. If there is no one to call, see the helplines and befriending services below.
• Lunch: cook or order a meal you actually like. It does not have to be traditional. Set the table properly anyway.
• Afternoon: something absorbing with your hands or mind: a puzzle, a film you chose in advance, a long book, a craft, a game.
• Late afternoon: one kind act. A message to someone who might be alone. A note for a neighbour. A donation to a cause you trust.
• Evening: write three good things from the day. Go to bed at a normal time.

Structure does not remove the feeling, but it stops the day from becoming one long, shapeless ache.

No one should have to sit in a circle of empty chairs. Our tribe keeps a seat by the fire, all year. Request to join.

30 things to do when you are lonely at Christmas

Get out (1-8)

1. Volunteer at a Christmas lunch, shelter or food bank (many book up early; ask in November).
2. Go to a carol service or a community event.
3. Take a long walk somewhere scenic.
4. Visit a park, beach or hill where other walkers will be.
5. Go to a cinema showing on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day.
6. Join a charity run or a Boxing Day walk.
7. Sit in a café that stays open and chat to the staff.
8. Visit a place of worship, if that is part of your life, even if you have not been for years.

Connect (9-16)

9. Call someone you have not spoken to in a year.
10. Send Christmas voice notes instead of texts.
11. Join an online watch party or games night.
12. Write a letter to an older relative or friend.
13. Join a befriending service as a caller or volunteer.
14. Message an old colleague to say you hope they are well.
15. Invite a neighbour who also lives alone for a cup of tea.
16. Join an online community for people spending the holidays alone.

Comfort (17-24)

17. Cook one dish you loved as a child.
18. Watch the film you always wanted to watch and never had time for.
19. Read a whole novel in two days.
20. Take a bath, light a candle, play music.
21. Start a jigsaw puzzle.
22. Bake, and give half away.
23. Sleep in, without guilt.
24. Make a playlist of songs from good years.

Give (25-30)

25. Leave a card for a neighbour.
26. Donate to a homeless charity.
27. Write a thank-you note to someone who works on Christmas Day.
28. Leave food out for birds.
29. Write a kind review for a local business.
30. Do one idea from the random act of kindness generator.

Small contacts matter more than they seem: on days when people had more interactions with weak ties, such as shop staff or neighbours, they reported feeling happier and more connected (Sandstrom & Dunn, 2014). And people tend to underestimate how much strangers will enjoy a short chat (Epley & Schroeder, 2014).

Volunteering on Christmas Day

Helping others is one of the most reliable ways to feel less alone, and volunteering is linked with better wellbeing (Jenkinson et al., 2013). Search for Christmas lunches, shelters, hospital visiting, or phone-befriending services in your area from early November, because places fill up. If you cannot volunteer on the day, many charities need help in the weeks around it.

If you are grieving this Christmas

The first Christmas after a loss can be the hardest. You do not have to do it the old way. Some people keep traditions; others do something completely different. Light a candle, set a place, say their name, or go somewhere new. Let people help you. And if grief turns into hopelessness, please reach out to a doctor or a helpline.

If you dread a difficult family

Being lonely among people can hurt more than being alone. Give yourself permission to leave early, to take walks, to set limits on topics, to stay somewhere else. Plan one call with a friend who understands, for the hardest moment of the day.

The days after Christmas

The quiet days between Christmas and New Year can be harder than the day itself. Give each day one anchor: a walk, a call, a plan. If you want to use the time well, read how to be happy alone, or start thinking gently about the year ahead with New Year's resolutions 2027.

If the holidays are also a time when drinking increases, our sister site The Quiet Month has a calm guide to Christmas alone and a sober-curious month of support.

If someone you know might be alone

Do not wait to be asked. Most lonely people will not ask. Invite them in specific terms: "Would you like to join us for lunch at 1 on the 25th?" Call on the day. Drop off a plate of food. Include them in a walk. It may be the kindest thing anyone does for them all year.

Helplines open over Christmas

• US and Canada: call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, 24/7).
• UK and Ireland: Samaritans, 116 123, free, day and night, every day of the year.
• UK, older people: The Silver Line, 0800 4 70 80 90, free, 24/7.
• Australia: Lifeline, 13 11 14.
• Everywhere else: findahelpline.com lists free, confidential services by country.

If you are in danger, call your local emergency number.

A task for this week

Open your calendar to 24-26 December. Write one plan in each day, however small: a walk, a call, a meal, a film. Then write one helpline number on a sticky note and put it on the fridge. You have just made Christmas a little safer for yourself.

If you want a tribe that does not disappear in January: request to join.

Walking beside you,

The Chief

Sources

• Cacioppo, J. T., & Hawkley, L. C. (2009). Perceived social isolation and cognition. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 13(10), 447-454. doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2009.06.005
• Sandstrom, G. M., & Dunn, E. W. (2014). Social interactions and well-being: the surprising power of weak ties. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 40(7), 910-922. doi.org/10.1177/0146167214529799
• Epley, N., & Schroeder, J. (2014). Mistakenly seeking solitude. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(5), 1980-1999. doi.org/10.1037/a0037323
• Jenkinson, C. E., Dickens, A. P., Jones, K., et al. (2013). Is volunteering a public health intervention? BMC Public Health, 13, 773. doi.org/10.1186/1471-2458-13-773

Related reading: Loneliness: a complete guide · What to do when you feel lonely · How to be happy alone

General information for wellbeing, not medical, psychological or financial advice. If you are struggling, see crisis help.